A giant hand would be a weird match for a giant bat, because bats do not have hands. But then again, neither do they generally cavort with robins, so what do I know

It’s Adam and Eve, not Amy Adams and Neve Campbell. But mostly because neither of those two women is 6,000 years old

Running low on cartoon ideas, so I’m dipping into old texts. I had completely forgotten the “Pot Richards” string, which started with “bang a gong / then get it on / gang a bong / doing it wrong” and went uphill from there

Don’t literally hold your horses, Caligula. This is a kid’s book.

The Merry Men be Merry-Makin’, yo

This isn’t my joke, actually. It was texted to me by a friend who knows how much I love Schrodinger’s cat jokes. And by proxy, Schrodinger’s steer jokes.

I thought about my friend Michel / How they rolled him in linoleum /  And shot him in the neck / A bloody halo, like a think-bubble / Circling his head

When I was half-asleep in the bed remembering this it seemed hilarious. Now… I have no idea?

If you drew a Venn diagram of the movie Carrie, there would be a circle for water, and there would be a circle for blood, but where they overlapped would be at “discovering your womanhood” not at “the beginning of a shark feeding frenzy”, which, quite frankly, makes it an inexplicable movie for them to show during Shark Week